Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
