when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
