its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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