Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
