I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sorry about my life...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
