Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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