your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize