got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
