Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
