I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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