forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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