I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
