I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
