you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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