i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
