the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
