I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
