I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
