the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
