well you can't waste a boner
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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