never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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