i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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