If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
