Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
