Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
