dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
pop tarts are not kleenex
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
