I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
