Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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