Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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