Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
