How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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