how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
