i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
