Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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