what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
