Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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