She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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