Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize