her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
