Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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