Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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