shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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