ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
