You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
