I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
