At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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