it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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