Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
