I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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