god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
