he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
