Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
