an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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