So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
