She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize