There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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