pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's always time for handjobs
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
