Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
