So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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