I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
