you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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