im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize