I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
