Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
