Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
