This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
