I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
