don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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