pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
