I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
