i would punch a child for taco bell
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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