i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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