shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
