Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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