respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What a dumb baby whore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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